I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
