We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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