life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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