if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
