I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
