You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
is it fun? or sober?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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