peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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