so that wasnt chicken after all
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
