If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
