i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
