buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
