Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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