A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize