Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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