I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
