the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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