STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
