The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
