As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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