do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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