You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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