smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
