Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
