i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
