Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
