i already hear my dad disowning me
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
