just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
