I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
COCAINE IS GR8
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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