I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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