i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
