And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
