did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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