Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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