Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up under a house in Key West
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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