Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
