Nicole vs. Life
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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