I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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