my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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