I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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