you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
