You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
