That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
