I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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