note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
