Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
What happened to fro yo and sex?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
