he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize