i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he laminated a picture of his dick.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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