Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
