he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
