I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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