OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
