Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
