His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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