Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
