I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
