happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I deserve this hangover.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
