ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
