There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
