this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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