2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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