Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
