I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
