Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
