last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
