two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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