Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
