Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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