i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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