You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
